7 Lucky signs he truly loves You8 Signs Your Husband is Still
Madly in Love With YouHe knows you
hate doing the damn dishes—so he does them.He always says
"whatever you want" for date night.He says your
first name during sex.He'll go to
that theme-party without whining.He's quick to
end an argument.He puts the
electronics away.He never says
the 'D' word.He still makes
an effort to surprise you.
13
Mindful Ways To Make An Introvert Feel Loved
1. After an introvert stops talking,
wait 3 seconds before you chime in.
2. During an important talk, paraphrase some of their ideas to show that you're listening.
3. Try to be more comfortable with silence.
4. Say "I'm just thinking out loud here..." if you like to talk out your ideas.
5. Text them to figure out plans.
6. Interrupting an introvert can feel like a stab to the heart.
7. Start a conversation while you're walking or driving.
8. Acknowledge their feelings—especially if you are about to do something you know they won't like.
9. Write each other emails.
10. Talk with them one-on-one and then bring their ideas into a bigger group.
11. Make it easy for them to leave the party early.
12. Ask specific questions.
13. Balance out your activities with quiet time.
One Netflix and no-chill Friday too many and it can be easy to
fall down the what-does-this-really-mean-for-our-marriage rabbit hole. But Stan Tatkin, a psychologist and
author of Wired
for Love, says that if you're worried he's fallen out of love, try to rest easy
because it's likely not the case. Instead, he's probably down-shifted into a
different kind of love. "At the beginning of all successful relationships,
the constant excitement of New Love produces a lot of dopamine, which is the
same neurotransmitter that's stimulated when a drug addict takes their drug of
choice," he says. "It's exhilarating, but temporary." Quiet
Love, on the other hand, comes into the picture when that exhilaration starts
to fade. "It's a calm but alert state couples get into when they're fully
relaxed and engaged with one another," he explains. So if you need some
signs (hey, we love signs) that your husband is
indeed quietly in love with you, here are
eight that show he isn't going anywhere.
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When
you've been together for years, it's obvious that your husband knows your likes
and dislikes. But if you want to know if he loves you, see how he adjusts to
your "irritation triggers." "If he knows the three or four
things that will always hurt you or put you off balance, and then knows just
what to do to either avoid them or get you up and running again when they do
happen, then consider him your antidote," says Tatkin. So rather than
picking a fight because it's "your turn" to take care of the dishes,
you're more likely to find him loading up the machine before bed. Just remember
to return the favor and handle something that drives him batty—or at least
consider taking dish duty as a thank you, because we bet he doesn't love that
chore, either.
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It's
easy to take this as a sign of disinterest, but Paul Coleman, a psychologist
and author ofFinding
Peace When Your Heart is in Pieces, says that when men are in love, they
usually appear less enthusiastic than women do simply because of their
serotonin levels. Seriously: research
showsthat
men who are in love have lower serotonin levels. "The amount of serotonin
you have in your body as a woman makes you act happy and show it more,"
says Coleman. "But because men's levels aren't as high, they don't feel
the need to do that—they're happy showing you love by agreeing to do whatever
it is you want to do, even if it's just sitting next to you and watching
TV." Rather than being frustrated because you're the one coming up with date
night ideas,
look at it as an opportunity to branch out and try something different.
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It's
part of the norm to call each other "babe," "honey," or
even "mama," throughout the day (hey, sometimes it's just easier when
you have kids), but Tatkin says that if he says your first name in the midst of
sex, it's a sign that he's fully present in the moment with you and doesn't
want to
be intimate with anyone else.
Another clue? Eye contact—both in and out of the bedroom—and a willingness to
talk about more personal matters (ones that involve the two of you on a
relationship level, not what the kids need to get done this week) as part of
pillow talk. "Both show that he's still interested and, rather than seeing
you as someone he thinks he already knows, you're someone he continually wants
to learn about," says Tatkin.
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Picture
this: on the rare night that you're able to get a sitter, there's a
Gatsby-esque birthday party happening for your bestie's 40th. You know your
hubs will essentially kick and scream the whole way because he hates big
parties and dressing up. Then again...maybe he won't. If he doesn't give you
grief (okay, he can once or twice—guys think these things are over-the-top),
then he's showing
you love.
"When you say that you really want him with you and then he just puts on
his party clothes without grumbling, he's putting aside his own preferences and
tastes to make
you happy,"
says Sophia Dembling, author ofIntroverts
in Love: The Quiet Way to Happily Ever After. He wouldn't do
that if he didn't love you, proving that sometimes what he doesn't do speaks louder than what he does.
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Ever
get to a point in the argument where you know you're wrong, but you're secretly
trying to figure out a way to prove that you aren't? Your husband probably
hasn't—at least not in a while—because one way he proves that he's still
head-over-heels for you is, well, letting you win. "He puts you ahead of
having to be right because he knows that any delay in fixing misunderstandings
or hurt feelings can lead to a long-lasting memory that doesn't bode well for
your future," says Tatkin. So when he throws up a white flag, he's not
doing it out of laziness—he just doesn't want to see you upset. And if you're
more willing to battle it out, that doesn't make you a bad person. Tatkin says
it's easier for guys to give in, essentially, because theytend
to avoid confrontation at all costs in
the first place. Next time you find yourself in this situation, take a step
back and decide what's more important: being right or resolving the issue?
Taking that moment can help you get back to a healthy place to continue your
discussion.
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We're
all guilty of being glued to our phones: Snapchatting that funny thing the baby
did. Instagramming your date night meal. Sharing an article you like on
Facebook. But when your husband actively cuts technology out of his daily
routine to spend time with you, it's a sign that he still wants to connect,
says Fawn Weaver, author of Happy
Wives Club.
"When a man loves a woman, no matter how demanding his job, he knows how to
put his phone down, close his laptop, and give his undivided attention. There
is a consistent effort to put his love ahead of his career and friends."
Now, that doesn't mean he's going to drop what he's doing at the exact second
you want him to (he's not your beck-and-call boy), but if he makes a concerted
effort to carve out quality time for the two of you sans-tech, then he's still
very much into you.
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You've
had those knock-down,drag-out
fights that are way
worse (and less funny) than any SNL skit, but even in the darkest of times,
your husband never says the word "divorce," says Tatkin, explaining
that a happy husband doesn't threaten his
relationship even when he's
upset, frustrated, or incredibly angry. Instead, he's learned how to have a
fight the right way—because yes, you'll still have them—and knows when it's
best for the relationship to walk away and blow off steam. "Nothing good
can come from threatening the relationship or making you feel like it may not
exist in the near future," says Tatkin. Taking the option of divorce off
the table gives you both the opportunity to express how you really feel without
fear that the other is going to walk out on the relationship, so you can get to
the root of any serious issues.
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Though
you may rule the world—and household—with shared Google calendars and group
text messages, if your husband still makes effort to surprise you with things
he knows will brighten your day, he's still lovin' on your pretty hard, says
Weaver. "This isn't about expensive gifts. Oftentimes it's something as
simple as bringing home a favorite candy or carton of ice cream, or picking up
tickets when you mentioned you wanted to see a certain movie," she says.
The point is that he's thinking of ways to keep your relationship fresh
and engaged,
and showing you that he still remembers the little things that make you smile.
t's the I'm-at-a-party-and-everyone-is-talking-and-having-fun-but-I'm-slowly-dying-inside
look.
If someone special in your life happens to be of
that quieter breed, there are conscientious and empathetic ways to bring them
into the fold.
"Since introverts spend more time processing their thoughts
internally, people tend to talk over them even when they have more to
say," introvert expert and Quiet Influence authorJenniferKahnweiler, PhD., told BuzzFeed
Life. Allow for a pause after they finish talking in case they have other
ideas.
It's important for introverts to feel heard. If you're having a big
discussion, express some of the things they've said in your own words,
according to Kahnweiler. This shows that you are really paying attention.
Seriously. If you feel like silence means that you are not fun enough or
that you have nothing to contribute, reevaluate how you approach silence. Quiet
time can be perfectly fine and dandy.
"When extroverts start thinking out loud, some introverts admit
that their heads start to spin," Kahnweiler says. Since introverts tend to
share fully formed thoughts, it can be frustrating when someone (usually an
extrovert) verbalizes every single thing on their mind. Prepare them for your
think-fest before you start going down the rabbit hole and they can choose to
tune you out.
"Texting gives introverts a chance to control how and when they
respond," Kahnweiler says. Calling on the phone may interrupt their
thinking and throw them off.
Since introverts put extra thought into what they are going to say,
cutting off their ideas can feel like a physical wound. If you interrupt them,
acknowledge that you cut them off and give them time to continue.
"There's less eye contact, which can feel less
confrontational," says Kahnweiler. For some people, this will make it
easier to open up.
Picture this: An introvert is talking to you about something they are
really excited about, but you're about to be late to dinner. What would be the
best way to interrupt them without making them shut down? Try something like:
"I know you don't like to be interrupted, but I just wanted to let you
know that we're running late," Kahnweiler explains. Acknowledge them before
you make your point.
Introverts tend to be really strong writers, according to Kahnweiler. If
they are not sure how to talk about something with you, ask them if they would
be interested in writing it out.
If you're having a nice conversation with an introvert, take note of
what they talk at length about. Later, if you're in a larger group with them,
mention something that they had told you earlier. Since they had time to
process their feelings on that topic, they might be more likely to share. Plus,
you're introducing them into the conversation rather than putting them in the
stressful situation of deciding whether or not to chime in.
"Introverts tend to have limited social energy," Introverts In Love author Sophia Dembling told BuzzFeed Life.
If you notice an introvert shutting down, make an excuse about the time or say
you're feeling tired and guests should head out. An introvert will appreciate
not always being the one who asks if it's time to leave.
Since introverts don't tend to be information dumpers, they might dive
more readily into a conversation if there's a jumping off point, according to
Dembling. Ask them if there's something that happened today that made them
happy or if they had an interesting thought or observation that they'd like to
share.
If you're planning to go out to a loud restaurant or a club, try to do
an energy-saving activity earlier in the day. Long drives, hiking, going to the
movies, and reading are great ways to spend time together that aren't a big
energy suck, according to Dembling
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